Strengthening Relationships

Comment

Comment by Joel Feldman on July 19, 2010 at 1:45pm

Shortly after Casey's death I was so comforted by all of her friends for staying in touch with us as we grieved. The influence that Casey had on her friends and the influence that her friends had on her was evident-such kind, supportive, caring, generous people. When I prepared the 14 minute DVD for Casey so many of her friends gave so much of themselves by lettting all of us know how Casey had positively impacted their lives. That started the process of getting to know Casey's friends much much better. We collectively grieved , sharing Casey stories when we could talk and just looking at each other and hugging when we could not talk so easily. Tuesday nights at the Feldmans, events honoring Casey locally, Springfield and West Chester and staying in touch through the network site, e-mails and texting. I worried about how long Casey's friends would stay in touch, continue to care and involve us in their lives.
One year later we still text, e-mail and gather for Tuedsay night dinners. We still share Casey stories and come together on special occassions to release pink balloons upward to Casey. Casey's friends are still, and will always be, Casey's friends but they are our friends now also. We have created our own relationships with Casey's friends that will endure into the future. These new and evolving relationships are so important to Di and I and enable us to look into a future without Casey's physical presence not as one of anger, despair, longing , emptiness, unfullfilled dreams and loss , but optomistically as a future filled with hope and promise . Hope and promise for us, for all who knew and loved Casey and all who did not know Casey but have learned of her life. We have been given an extraordinary gift by all of those who knew Casey-the greatest gift they could-allowing us and welcoming us to become part of their lives .

Comment by Marcy Seminoff on June 22, 2010 at 11:30am

Linda Your comment is very comforting to me. I remember using the quote from "Tuesdays with Morrie" - 'Death ends a life, not a relationship'.... to help me with the loss of my mother and father. Hope this helps someone reading this.

Comment by Linda A. Burns on June 18, 2010 at 12:47pm

Joel, I just wanted to say I truly believe the relationship that you nurtured with Casey here on earth will allow you to feel her spirit in a very personal and special way, not only on Father's Day, but every day of your life.

Comment by Linda A. Burns on April 26, 2010 at 7:55am

I like that example. That approach proved helpful with my daughter (although I have to admit, at times, I was thinking: Okay, Ash, TMI) and it proved priceless when my son came along with a profound communication disorder. Yes, I may have been "accused" at times of being "too understanding of my kids" by friends and family...little did they know there was always a fair consequence...it's just that I gave them a chance to do some self-monitoring along the way

Comment by Marcy Seminoff on April 25, 2010 at 8:44pm

Joel That's what Mom said to you right? Couldn't resist. Communication is powerful. Love the book: How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk (Faber).....Taught me a lot

Comment by Joel Feldman on April 25, 2010 at 2:37pm

I was in a counseling class and the instructor gave an example of how we can comunicate better and open the door to communication as opposed to creating defensiveness and closing the door.

A parent catches their 16 year old sneaking in at 2:00 a.m. from the party that the teen was told she could not go to. Think of what the parent might say...."I can't believe you disobeyed me... Go to your room-we will talk in the morning...You are in big trouible...."

It was suggested that it it could be handled a little diffrently so that communication could be kept open.

"It must have been a really important party for you to go the party and disobey me. Tell me about it..."

Comment by Joel Feldman on March 7, 2010 at 5:50pm

After Casey died I was not very comforted by those who told me that God had a plan or that time heals. Those who tried to tell me what path my grief would take or predict how long I would grieve just raised my anger and resistance. It was tantamount to lecturing and I did not want to be lectured. As a result I did learn what was helpful for me-to allow me the dignity to grieve as I needed to and provide support without the unsolicited advice. In thinking about it it seems that everyone really wants that whether grieving or not--to be respected and permitted to find their own way knowing that there are others who will support us on that path and will simply listen. So I thank all those who did so and also thanks to those who could not just listen-they have helped me as well in figuring out what I need and how I can approach others and be there for them in the future . I have also come to realize that I do not need to put the pressure on myself to "solve" others problems through my advice as I probably cannot...but I can act in a fashion to support others by allowing them to find thir own way and in doing so strengthen the relationships that really count. Thanks to Tess for listening so well this weekend and to so many others these last 7 months.

Comment by Linda A. Burns on March 5, 2010 at 8:51am

I had seen this when it aired that morning and was brought to tears. What amazing human beings...I'm in awe of their achievements...and true evidence that anything is possible when you trust and believe. I should share that I'm speaking from experience...my son Ross has autism and there isn't a day that goes by that I'm not inspired and moved by his strong constitution, positive outlook on life along with all its struggles and challenges, and above all his spirit...it's impossible to feel bewildered when you're around Ross!!! Thanks for sharing this with us, Brooke!

Comment by Meaghan Dillon on March 5, 2010 at 12:36am

Brooke, I've heard about this story before, and I actually saw the father and son at the most recent NYC marathon. It brought tears to my eyes. Can't wait to see you run in November!

Comment by Brooke Burdge on March 4, 2010 at 9:50pm

Hi everyone- There was a link to this on a fitness site I read, and it is SUCH a moving story. I had seen the image of this father pushing his son in "Motivation" PSA posters around Manhattan, but didn't ever look into the real story. The son was born with cerebral palsy and ever pushed through a small race, told his father (through machine) that the only time he felt his disability when away was during a race. So his dad has pushed him through over 60 marathons and numerous Ironman triathlons (on his bike and swimming with a raft attached).

It really is a must-watch, and a true example of an amazing relationship and the real love of family!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ecwcq7FwHeY

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